| Just in time! |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|10:15 pm] |
Dok and I jest finally got back from our honeymoon! Oh my gahd it was totally awesome. We went down to Bora Bora to some beach I can't spell and got one of those water bungalow rooms. I rented out the ones around it too cus I wanted my fuckin privacy, naht some fuckin fans near us or somebody complainin about all the noise or somethin. It was amazing. I think we both gaht totally sunburnt worse than we've ever been, but it didn't matter. And thanks to everybody that came to the wedding. It was a fuckin blast.
Now we're finally back, and just in the nick of fuckin time for St. Patty's Day! St Patty's day is one of the best holidays out there. Last year I drank for a week straight. I sorta remember some really weird shit happening, something about werewolves but naht really. Maybe I was jest too drunk. But all day tomorrow, Jack and Guinness will be my best friends. No practice, jest drinkin. Everybody's Irish on St. Patty's Day!
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| Cats, birthdays, and glögg |
[Dec. 19th, 2008|10:10 pm] |
Sooooo I'm naht a cat or whatever anymore. That was fuckin weird. And before ya guys even START sayin shit that Dok is all an evil scientist and blah blah, this was totally a legit accident and ya should be pointin yer fingers at fuckin Schrödinger, naht him. Yea. Ya know what I mean.
But uh.. ears like that and tails are naht fun. The claws were kinda cool. I found out that water can be used as a weapon and that its really really easy to accidentally hogtie yerself with twine. Hopefully this never happens again. I'm all fer jest stayin human fer awhile.
AND DOROCHET. WHAT THE FUCK DOOD. STAHP WITH THE CHASIN. FUCKER.
Everything jest needs to like, chill fer awhile. No more surprises. Jest gahta get through Christmas.
Oh yea, and my fuckin wife tried to sneak his birthday by me. I caught that shit. Gaht him this koi pond thing he wanted. I dunno. Whatever makes him happy. I dunno what the koi are about.
But its wintertime, and that means eggnog with booze, and glögg all around. I can't argue with that.
BUT I CAN ARGUE WITH THIS: WHY THE FUCK DID THEY DISCONTINUE ZIMA?! DOOD. WHY.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|08:53 pm] |
Japanese people are fucked up. No offense, naht all of ya. But why d'ya guys love Paris Hilton so effing much? Its like she's Jesus or somethin. Normally when I go out somewhere with Dok, there's some douchebag fan that's all 'oh my gahd its Pickles' and all that bullshit. Naht it Japan. Naht even close. Oh they noticed me. Cus I'm totally the same height as everyone else there and ya'd think red hair and freckles would stick out a lot, even if they didn't know who I was. A bunch a people saw me and were all mumbling in Japanese "Oh! Pikurusu!" Yea, my name sounded that fuckin weird. Then Dok steps out with me. And they lost their fuckin minds. I guess the only time a seven foot tall skinny ass blonde goes over there is when Miss Shitty-Night-Vision-Sex-Tape makes and appearance. It was like a fuckin mob and then were all "PARISU!" and screamin and takin pictures. Oh my gahd I'm not doin that again.
And gahd we went shoppin so much. Why? Whats the point? I gaht too much stuff already. But it made him happy. Thank gahd fer McDonalds and their picture menus cus I was so fuckin lost and I ain't eatin eel on a stick bullshit. Gimme some booze and lemme eat my cow. The cat boy showed up half way through too and stayed with us fer awhile. Wasn't so bad. He kept away from my hair, but I think I caught him tryin to count my freckles when I was halfway to passed out.
I'm supposed to be happy and shit right now! I finally gaht my shit together and I gaht a good thing goin! But no, apparently MY fuckin old band is back together. WITHOUT ME. Those motherfuckers gaht a restrainin order against me. I'm hearin there's this fuckin tv show about how they gaht a guy to replace me and some shit? Fuck that! I'm fuckin pissed off! I gahta talk to em. This is fuckin bullshit. Somebody come get me when that thing is back on, cus I ain't doin shit but drinkin between now and then. |
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| Gonna get some good sangs outta this |
[Sep. 23rd, 2008|12:00 am] |
I look really pretty right now. At least the guys'll think I look metal. It hurts if I press on it though. I had a little accident.
Dok took me out to this awesome lake and we hung out and had a really awesome day. WE EVEN GAHT TO FEED SWAHNS! There were two that came right up to us and we fed em like, ya know, bread and stuff and mine let me pet her and stuff. Pretty sure it was a girl. The one Dok had gaht real mad at him and bit him a few time and started freakin out and chasin him. So the fuckin thing freaks out and he gets up and starts runnin around and its chasin him around.
I look over and he's sittin in a tree and with the swahn starin up at him, so I walk over and the swahn's lady is comin over with me cus she likes me. and I fuckin snarl at the other swahn and its jest like 'dood whatever'. Took me awhile to get up in that tree, too on account'a I'm short as fuck. So I'm up there and we're all talking and I ain't payin attention and I fell outta the fuckin tree and landed on my damn face.
I gaht like 10 stitches riiiight above my left eye brow, like over my nose. Fuckin lucky I didn't push one of my rings into my brain or somethin. But I'm fiiiiine! Jest lookin real pretty. Gaht a doctor that fixed me up real good. |
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| Um... |
[Aug. 19th, 2008|03:06 am] |
Is everybody still alive? I heard somebody died. Maybe I was jest drunk. Cus now I'm old. Older. And drunker. Did I die? I don't think so. Somebody come check.
Too much shit goes on around here, dood. Fuckin werewolves and vampires and shit. What the hell, man? I'm little. I'm gonna get eaten or somethin and then no more drums! No more fun! If I were like... a vampire or somethin... I'd prahbly be bad at it. Ya know, cus I'm lazy as shit. Dood I haven't drank this much in a long damn time and its effin NICE.
I want a puppy. But naht really a puppy. Like... a porkchop. With french fries drenched in vinegar. Yeeeeaaa.
And I want a pair of Air Jordans... but like... Air Pickles. Yea. And they should be made of chocolate. Dark chocolate.
Leibling! Are ya still out on yer hunt or whatever? Come drink with meee! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2008|11:02 am] |
It ain't that I don't like bein supportive of the guys in my band or anything... Its jest that I'm lazy. Ya wanna have some side project charity event extravaganza shenanigans? Great. Awesome. Good fer you, seriously. But I don't wanna have to go anywhere. Unless there's a good bar. And then I'll go. It ain't that I'm insensitive or don't give a shit. Jest lazy. I think we all know that. I don't like runnin around doin shit, and I don't like runnin. Any thing with the word "run" in it is naht fer me.
Murderface had some national anthem cock pass playin thing that gaht cut off of tv cus Toki and Skwisgaar were gettin chased by the police fer drunk drivin and havin guns and shit. I swear to Gahd I am the only normal person in this band, and even I know I'm pretty fuckin far from normal. So Murderface is all pissed off and had to have some fuckin big NASCAR event or somethin. But I uh.. kinda gave him somethin to relax so he could do his thing but it jest fucked him up. Nat'an and I made him shit his pants, pretty funny. And I think Toki and Skwisgaar had to go take driving lessons or somethin. Hah, dildos. I should buy another car.
I hate the stupid paparazzi that follow us everywhere. Dok and I went to this restaurant, nothin flashy, and somehow they still managed to show up. I guess someone there called the media or something while we were eatin cus they were all over and freakin out when we left. I hope they gaht a good picture of me given them the finger. Its like, can't I jest go somewhere and naht be bothered? He's all worried he's gonna mess up my image and I'm like dood, don't even worry about it. Every other day, I'm the devil or I'm a gahd to those idiots. Doesn't even matter what I do.
Gahta do my fuckin hair again. Ya'd think I'd be used to it after all this time. Pain in the fuckin ass. Wasn't there somethin I was supposed to do... OH. Its fourth of July...right? Kay. Let's get some motherfucking fireworks and get drunk! And haht dahgs! Lots of haht dahgs! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2008|01:59 am] |
I've actually been doin shit lately! Gaht lots of crazy stuff goin on around here.
Went to Florida fer awhile, was ambassador to China, had a stripper O.D. outside the club...
Oh and been hangin out with Dok a lot. He's comin to stay with me fer a month or so in July, takin time off from his Nazi business and hangin with me. Its jest good to have him around; I can talk to him about stuff and I like hearin all about his work and his life. Turns out when he was hidin out in Brazil, one of the only radio stations he gaht played mostly Snakes'n'Barrels. That's pretty awesome. I'm jest so stoked I finally gaht him to come over and everything was perfect. I guess I jest.... found what I've been lackin.
Now I'm all settled in with a few bottles of Jack, listenin to some Blooddrunk, and I'm jest fuckin content. Happy. There's somethin I'm wantin to track down. Can ya help me out, Charlie?
Hey Rummy, wanna hangout this week? I haven't seen ya inforever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2008|02:26 am] |
I don't get whats so fuckin bad about date rape. I do it all the time.
Sometimes when I'm jest fuckin bored, I take a bunch of roofies and try to see if I can get off before I pass out. Its pretty fun, and even better when I wake up all fucked up in somebody else's room.
Yea I'm jest fuckin around, bored, lookin fer somethin to do. I hope Dok comes around soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|08:27 pm] |
I can't believe what the fuck's happened in the last few days. Bein with Dethklok and all, I've seen a lot of shit. We killed a fuckin troll in Finland. But when ya see yer fuckin bandmate comin at ya full speed and his a gahddamn werewolf? That is messed up. I can't even tell ya how much I'm gonna have to drink to try and fergeht about this.
I mean, I saw humpin the fuckin couch! And he was like liftin the whole thing up! Do ya even know how heavy that thing is?! I don't think Nathan's even flipped it in awhile. I had to follow Ofdensen through all these effin secret passageways I didn't even know we had to get away from Skwisgaar cus I'm pretty sure this dood was gonna try to have his way with me or somethin, and I ain't into doin that with no werewolves. Whoever did this should naht do it again. At least we gaht away in the dethcopter so nobody gaht mauled. Actually I think a couple of guards gaht taken down, but it ain't like that's different from any other day. Whatever it ain't like I care.
I'm jest glad no one turned me into a werewolf. And I'm glad Dok didn't bring the catgirls over this weekend cus they'd all be fuckin dead and that's a waste of perfectly good catgirl. |
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